Hunter x Hunter Texting Crack
by Ice LunaWolf
Summary: The cast of Hunter x Hunter texting each other! Crazy stuff will happen! Rated T for alcohol, swearing, stalkers, catnip. etc.
1. What's Stripper Pole?

_**Ice LunaWolf- Hi everyone! Welcome to my new Hunter x Hunter fanfic, Hunter x Hunter Texting Crack! There's no plot in this! It's just comedy and shit! I never text before and I don't even own a cellphone so please go easy on me!**_

_**Disclaimer: Ice LunaWolf does not own Hunter x Hunter!**_

* * *

_Dear Killua _

_Hi Killua!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Hi Gon._

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Yay, I figured out this texting thing!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Congratulation, you get a fucking cookie!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Really?!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_I was being sarcastic!_ _Plus we don't have any cookies!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Killua!... wait didn't we buy a couple boxes of cookies yesterday?_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_umm..._

_Killua _

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_You ate them all, didn't you._

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_No. Maybe. Yes._

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_KILLUA! HALF OF THOSE WERE MINE!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_And they were delicious!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_You're not a cat! You're a piggy!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_HEY! There's only one piggy in my abnormal_ _family and that's my brother!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Illumi._

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_No! Illumi is as skinny as fucking stripper pole! I was talking about Milluki!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Oh. Sorry. What's a stripper pole?_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Nevermind. I don't want to corrupt your mind yet._

_Killua _

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Aww!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Hello Ringo-chan~_

_Hisoka _

* * *

_Dear Hisoka_

_Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!_

_Gon _

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Hisoka just text me! _

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Just ignore him and maybe he'll go away_!

_Killua_

* * *

_*Hisoka sends a picture to Gon_*

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Hisoka just sent me a picture of his glowing crotch! Help me please!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_You poor boy... I'm gonna take a nap now._

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_KILLUA!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Hisoka_

_What's a stripper pole?_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Why do you want to know?_

_Hisoka_

* * *

_Dear Hisoka_

_Killua told me something about Illumi and a stripper pole. I asked Killua what a stripper pole is, but he won't tell me._

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_I gotta go. I'll stalk you later~_

_Hisoka_

* * *

_Dear Hisoka_

_WHAT?!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Illumi_

_Illu-chan, why didn't tell me you're a stripper?~_

_Hisoka_

* * *

_Dear Hisoka_

_WHAT?! HISOKA, ARE YOU DRUNK?! TEXT ME BACK WHEN YOU SOBER UP!_

_Illumi_

* * *

_Dear Illumi_

_But I'm not drunk! T.T_

_Hisoka_

* * *

_**Ice LunaWolf- Hope you enjoy it! Please read and review!**_


	2. Drunk Textings

_**Ice LunaWolf- Hi everyone! And welcome back to Hunter x Hunter Text Crack!**_

_**Disclaimer: Ice LunaWolf does not own Hunter x Hunter or chocolate rum beans or Katty Perry's song 'I kissed a Girl'!**_

* * *

_Dear Leorio_

_Krackpika haz the hotz 4 you!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Really?! Or are you playing a trick on me?_

_Leorio_

* * *

_Dear Kurapika_

_Reollo think ur ass iz fat._

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_WHAT?!_

_Kurapika_

* * *

_Dear Hanzo_

_I'v got a lovle bunh of cokonutz! De le de!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_What the hell is wrong with you?! Are you drunk?!_

_Hanzo_

* * *

_Dear Milluki_

_Ur my favrite bro!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Kil, is this a stupid joke?! _

_Milluki_

* * *

_Dear Milluki_

_Moooooo!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_ARE YOU CALLING ME A COW?! I'LL KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE BRAT!_

_Milluki _

* * *

_Dear Silva_

_Hey dadd, Gotoh iz riting fanficz about himzelf having n secret effair wit mom!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_WHAT?!_

_Silva_

* * *

_Dear Silva_

_They meat evey day at de gazbo at middie nite!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_I'M GONNA KILL THAT BUTLER!_

_Silva_

* * *

_Dear Hisoka_

_CONGRATZ UR A DADDIE!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_WHAT?! I DIDN'T RAPE GON! I SWEAR!_

_Hisoka_

* * *

_Dear Hisoka_

_No Gon, sillie! Illumi preggie!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_WHAT?!_

_Hisoka_

* * *

_Dear Illumi_

_Are you pregnant with my child, Illu-chan?~_

_Hisoka_

* * *

_Dear Hisoka_

_WHAT?! NO! STOP TEXTING ME WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK!_

_Illumi_

* * *

_Dear Illumi_

_But I'm not drunk! Killua told me that you were pregnant!_

_Hisoka_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Did you tell Hisoka that I was pregnant?!_

_Illumi_

* * *

_Dear Illumi_

_Hey mommie! Iz baby kickng!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_You're drunk again!_

_Illumi_

* * *

_Dear Illumi_

_Ruuummmmmmmm Beannnnsssssssssss Yummmmmmmmmmmie!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_How many times have I told not to eat those?!_

_Illumi_

* * *

_Dear Illumi_

_Blahblahblahblah._

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_KIL, I'M BEING SERIOUS!_

_Illumi_

* * *

_Dear Illumi_

_I kizzed Gon n I lyke it! De tazte oz hiz pink lipz!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO DRAG YOU BACK TO KUKUROO MOUNTIAN WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!_

_Illumi_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_I luv u!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Are you ok, Killua?!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Kizz me, Gon!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Are you drunk?_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Mybeee! Rummm beeansss yummm!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua _

_Killua, those chocolates are for adults! You're underage!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Dn't care! Luv me, Gon!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_That's it. I'm taking those chocolate away from you!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

_Killua_

* * *

_**Ice LunaWolf- Hope you enjoy this chapter! I've never been drunk so I hope I did a good job with Killua's drunk textings! Please read and review!**_


	3. New Stalker!

_**Ice LunaWolf- Hi everyone! Welcome back for another chapter of Hunter x Hunter Texting Crack!**_

_**Disclaimer: Ice LunaWolf does not own Hunter x Hunter! **_

_**Ice LunaWolf- But I do own the oc character in this chapter!**_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_What are you wear?_

_?_

* * *

_?_

_Who the fuck are you?! And how do you know my name and how the hell did you get my text address?!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_I'm Madoka. My big brother gave me your text address and your name._

_Madoka_

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_Who the fuck is your older brother?! I'm gonna kill him for giving you my text address!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_His name is Hisoka!_

_Madoka_

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_THAT PERVERTED BASTARD CLOWN HISOKA?!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_That's my big bro!~_

_Madoka_

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_OMFG!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Shocking isn't?!_

_Madoka_

* * *

_..._

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Still there, Killua?_

_Madoka _

* * *

_..._

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Kittenface?_

_Madoka_

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_What the FUCK did you just call me?! And why did that perverted clown give you my text address?!_

_Killua (DON'T EVER CALL ME KITTENFACE AGAIN!)_

* * *

_Dear Kittenface_

_Hisoka was right! You are feisty_! _I like that!_

_Madoka_

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_Stop calling me Kittenface and answer my fucking second question, you sick fuck!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_I was bored and horny,_ _so I asked my big bro if he knew everyone I could play with. _

_Madoka_

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_So he gave you my name and text address!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Kittenface_

_Yep! He said you're a hot piece_ _of ass, a little feisty, and willing to be fucked by anyone!_

_Madoka_

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_Don't ever texts me again! I'm under age and I could call the cops on you!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Kittenface_

_That's nice! I'm 25 years old and I like my prey young btw._

_Madoka_

* * *

_Dear Hisoka_

_YOU SICK BASTARD! YOU GAVE MADOKA MY TEXT ADDRESS!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_So my younger brother text you, did he._~

_Hisoka_

* * *

_Dear Hisoka_

_YES YOU SICK CLOW- wait Madoka is a guy?! _

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Yes he is! Just because he has a unisex name does not mean he's a girl! Even I have a unisex name and I'm a guy._

_Hisoka_

* * *

_Dear Hisoka_

_Like I care! Tell your sick brother to never text me again! AND DON'T EVER GIVE OUT MY TEXT ADDRESS TO ANY OF YOUR SICK FRIENDS OR FAMILY AGAIN!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Hey Gon, I need someone to bitch at for awhile! Plus we need to change our cellphone numbers and our text addresses!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Why? _

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_That perverted clown Hisoka gave my text address to his younger brother!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_HISOKA HAS A BROTHER! OMG THERE'S 2 HISOKA!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Sadly and terrifying, yes! _

_Killua_

* * *

_..._

* * *

_Dear Gon _

_Gon?_

_Killua_

* * *

...

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Still there, Gon?_

_Killua_

* * *

_..._

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_You either passed out or you're too shocked to answer me...Shit!_

_Killua_

* * *

_**Ice LunaWolf- Hope you enjoy this chapter! Did you like Madoka? If you guys do then he'll return in future chapters! If you guys don't then he won't return in future chapters! Please read and review!**_


	4. WHERE'S MY CHOCOLATES!

_**Ice LunaWolf- Hi everyone and welcome back for another chapter of Hunter x Hunter Texting Crack! Thank you for the wonderful reviews!**_

_**Disclaimer: Ice LunaWolf does not own Hunter x Hunter!**_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_GON! WHERE'S MY FUCKING CHOCOLATES?!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_I'm sorry but I'm not telling you! This is for your own good, Killua!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN "FOR MY OWN GOOD"?!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Well since your drunk texting incident I decided to help you overcome your addiction to chocolates! _

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_I DON'T NEED HELP! I DON'T HAVE AN ADDICTION!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Well, you made a lot of people mad with your drunk texting! _

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_DON'T CARE! WHERE'S MY CHOCOLATES?!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_You traumatized Gotoh and your parents almost got an divorce!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_GOOD! MY MASTER PLAN TO DESTROY MY FAMILY IS WORKING AND MAYBE GOTOH WILL STOP WRITING DISTURBING FANFICS ABOUT MY NAGGING BITCH OF A MOTHER!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_You're planning to destroy your family?!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_YES! NOW WHERE'S MY CHOCOLATES?!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_I'm not telling you! So stop asking!_

_Gon_

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_FINE, YOU ASKED FOR IT! LOOKS LIKE I HAVE TO DO THIS THE HARD WAY!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_What?!_

_Gon_

* * *

...

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Killua?_

_Gon_

* * *

...

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Killua?!_

_Gon_

* * *

(3 Hours Later)

* * *

_Dear Gon_

_Can you do me a favor, Gon?_

_Kurapika_

* * *

_Dear Kurapika_

_Gon can't answer his cell phone right now._

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Why can't Gon answer his cell phone?_

_Kurapika_

* * *

_Dear Kurapika_

_Cause I have his cell phone and I chained Gon to the bed. _

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Oh...wait! YOU AND GON ARE TOO YOUNG FOR THAT KIND OF STUFF!_

_Kurapika_

* * *

_Dear Kurapika_

_CALM YOUR TITS! WE'RE NOT DOING THAT! _

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Then what are you doing to Gon?!_

_Kurapika_

* * *

_Dear Kurapika_

_Torturing him!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Why?!_

_Kurapika_

* * *

_Dear Kurapika_

_Gon took all my chocolates and hid them somewhere! So I'm torturing him til he cracks and tells me where he hid my chocolates!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_You know Gon is stubborn as an ox! Nothing can make him crack!_

_Kurapika_

* * *

_Dear Kurapika_

_You forgot I'm an ex-assassin! I have ways of making him crack! *insert grinning cat face*_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_I'm slightly concern! Do I have to come over to stop you from killing Gon?!_

_Kurapika_

* * *

_Dear Kurapika_

_Don't worry, I'm not gonna kill him! I'm tickling him!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Ok... I have to go now. Bye._

_Kurapika_

* * *

_Dear Kurapika_

_Wait! Didn't you have a favor for Gon? I can do it instead!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Nevermind. It's not important. Bye._

_Kurapika_

* * *

_Dear Kurapika_

_Fine! Bye!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Hello, my little kitten_~

_Madoka_

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_FUCK OFF! I'M BUSY!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Oh~ Busy doing what?_

_Madoka _

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_TORTURING MY FRIEND!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Ooh~ Can I join you?_

_Madoka_

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_NO!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Aww~ But we could have so much fun!_

_Madoka _

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_I SAID YES! NOW STOP TEXTING ME!_

_Killua_

* * *

_Dear Killua_

_Ya! I can come over! I'll be there in few minute and I'll bring my bro too! See ya, my little white kitten~_

_Madoka_

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_SHIT! THAT LAST TEXT WAS A TYPO! I MEAN NO, NOT YES!_

_Killua_

* * *

...

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_HEY PERVERT!_

_Killua_

* * *

...

* * *

_Dear Madoka_

_DON'T YOU AND THAT PERVY CLOWN FUCKING COME HERE! _

_Killua_

* * *

_(1 Hour Later)_

* * *

_Dear Kurapika_

_HELP US!_

_Gon_

* * *

_**Ice LunaWolf- I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please read and review!**_


End file.
